A Call for Million Dollar Challenge Applicants
The James Randi Educational Foundation's Million Dollar Challenge
Most people who are familiar with the paranormal eventually hear about James Randi – famed skeptic, magician, debunker, and the head of the James Randi Educational Foundation. The Foundation's goal is to spread around the ideals of critical thinking and scientific application of knowledge rather than the kind of paranormal waffle you get out of, say, an episode of "The Ghost Whisperer."
The Foundation also offers its famous Challenge – One Million Dollars to anyone who can demonstrate any paranormal ability in a testable fashion. Break out the Zener cards, kids, it's time for a party.
Recently, the Challenge rules were changed in such a way that only individuals with a "media presence" of some kind can apply for preliminary testing (which doesn't earn any dollars, but does get you the final test, which leads to the million). This has caused an unfathomable ruckus with people who want to apply. I've no idea why, exactly. The news has carried stories like "Dog Who Can Hula Hoop" and other such things since time began. It's called "fluff," and it isn't hard to get it printed.
From what I hear, there are also roughly five million e-mails per day (and Youtube videos) claiming that the money does not, in fact, exist. It makes my head spin, honestly. The application is a contract. The JREF has lawyers. The money is in an account, and people can even see the statement. But it's all just a sham. Or possibly a CIA program to find "real psychics." Uh huh.
Now, the JREF has kindly allowed me to review some of the applications for the Million. And it is nothing like you'd expect. Anyone who believes the JREF is spinning the Challenge in such a way that no one can win is absolutely deluding themselves, because the claims put forward are, quite honestly, freakin' ridiculous.
I saw one, for example, that involved a piece of macramé. And the paperwork that came with it was absolutely unintelligible. If I understand it correctly, and I may not, this piece of macramé was somehow paranormal.
For those of you who don't know, macramé is the making of textiles by knotting. Like making a sweater out of knotted yarn. I do not see the paranormal aspect unless this yarn was possessed by demons. But that's just me. I'm a skeptic, and therefore absolutely unmovable in my utter disbelief. Right.
From what I've seen, most of the Challenge applicants boast powers I wouldn't even personally want to have ever in a million years even if they'd make a comic book character out of it. People who can make others urinate in their pants, people who can create air vortices. I'm not making these up, I swear.
A large percentage of the Challenge applications never even have a protocol developed for them because the people who submitted them were obviously mentally ill.
And now we've come full circle to the media presence issue. Hopefully Larry King would be able to tell a nut when he saw one.
Not to say that these people are necessarily crazy. Just that I can't imagine what led them to believe they had this power, and the only thing that comes to mind is "completely insane."
This may sound very close-minded to you, but what can you possibly do when you are
presented with something like this (see the image to the right):
I love that the person wants the reader to ruminate. I don't know what I'm supposed to be ruminating on, exactly. I'm still not kidding – I honestly don't. I've heard better lines out of fortune cookies, and even if you don't like what those say, you can always add "in bed" to the end and laugh.
Why doesn't Sylvia Browne apply? Rosemary Altea? The only answer I've personally been able to come up with (and this is all speculation, so don't even bother calling your lawyer) is that they know they're full of it and don't want that to be obvious. It's way more likely than the JREF being a CIA operation.
I know my opinion means absolutely nothing, but seriously now, you can win a million dollars. If you don't like money, donate it to charity. If you don't like fame... well... wait, is that Sylvia on Montel again? No, really, if you don't like fame, think of it this way – you could be leading a really vast movement into the human mind. You could be the very first person to honestly pass a really skeptical scientific trial. That should be exciting! Instead it's a nightmare. God only knows why.
Now, some people who actually take the preliminary test get all het up because of the "negative energy." Someone explain to me what that means. Okay, let's think of it this way. When I talk to my dog, I use a cutesy voice. Everyone does, it seems. Now, in my cutesy voice, I can say, "Hello, pretty girl, pretty girl dog, you're so sweet," or I can say, "You are as dumb as a post, aren't you, you silly cow. You got into the garbage again, uh huh, uh huh?" And she'll have no clue what the difference is. There she is, wagging away, like she's surrounded by sausages because Happy Voice means Maybe Mom Is About To Give Me A Treat.
If negative energy really existed, then why is the dog wagging? Doesn't she sense all the negativity in the air? Or are psychics more attuned to this negative imbalance quantum physiographic kinesis (which is a totally made up term, but I wouldn't be surprised if someone had used it).
The other day I went and saw the movie "1408" in the theaters. It was a great movie, and you should totally go see it immediately if you want to be somewhat terrified and possibly never sleep again and hide dog treats under the covers so that if the room happens to be evil, maybe it will get the dog first.
But the point is, when I watched the movie, I thought to myself, "Gosh, I'd really love to stay in that room," even though [SPOILER] going into that room is like walking through the gates of hell. I don't want to go to hell, mind you, so please don't send me the Jesus pamphlets. I got one just the other day from a group of Southern Baptists who came right to my door and saved my soul. I'm still not kidding.
The point being: Skeptics aren't out to get you or spoil your fun or anything like that. The Challenge is out there because proof would be fascinating. No one donated the Million so they could sit back chortling at you. I'm sure they'd prefer to spend it on a Harley Davidson.
Back to the movie, though, and realize at this point that I'll probably give some more spoilers, not that they're that spoilery. I mean, the entire movie is laid out in the trailer.
When I saw the movie, I wanted to stay in a place like that simply because it would be so darn fascinating. I mean, even as the ghosts are tearing off your face or whatever, you could still say to yourself, "Wow, so it was all real."
And yet the best I've ever managed to get (and I've been in tons of "haunted" places and seen countless television shows on the subject) is like... some mist. Or possibly cigarette smoke. The pictures are always these out of focus images of what might be a face if you turned your head sideways and squinted with only your left eye.
Yeah, the paranormal is neat and all, but let's face it – there are people out there actively searching for this stuff, and no one's managed to get even a glimpse of some other-worldly being? To me, that says they don't exist – and I even really want them to!
Also in the movie, they tried to make this giant point about skepticism as a whole and how skeptics are really just these horrible devious people out to shatter everyone's hopes about the afterlife. I've said this a whole lot at this point, and I'm going to say it again – That is such bull. I even believe that there's some kind of afterlife, but many things about believing in ghosts seem grotesque to the extreme. I mention the haunted Red Lobster that's near me a lot because that's the most repulsive one I've come across – people who believe the Red Lobster is haunted are pretty much saying that someone's child, or loved one, or friend is doomed forever to a sub-par seafood restaurant's kitchen.
Skeptics aren't trying to ruin your fun or shatter your belief structure. They just want to know what's real and what isn't. And, you know, if you want to believe that it's possible for a loved one to be eternally bound to a place that has all you can eat lobster, so be it. Have fun with that belief system.
Going back to the Challenge again... if you have some kind of ability, really have it (not "I see the letter 's' and some water.") then please, stick it to the skeptics and apply and win.
If you have footage of a ghost or something, that doesn't really count as proof of the paranormal. You need to be able to show off some kind of talent under controlled, observable conditions. If you know where the ghosts hang out, however, feel free to drop me a line and I'll try go get there and check it out. Although at this point I'm finding haunted places to be rather disappointing.
Yet another side note here, I recently went to Paris (which I'll have an entire article about soon, so get ready for a read) and did the Paris Catacombs tour. It isn't actually a tour, really. You pay money, and they let you into these tunnels that are way, way, way underground and very narrow with low ceilings and – get ready here, this was actually kind of spooky – dead bodies. Five million dead bodies, to give kind of a figure to imagine. These dead bodies are in the form of skeletons and are stacked, kind of artistically, on either side of you as you walk through these tunnels. Giant stacks. Of dead people. There is no guide. There is no way out if you get a little frightened. You just have to cope and continue walking to the end – which takes an hour. Now, I would think if any place on the planet was going to be haunted, this would be it! As far as I could tell, it wasn't. It was creepy, sure, but what do you expect when you're surrounded by corpses? Back again to the point...
The Challenge is totally worth your time. If you can set something on fire with the power of your mind, you're in! If you can read people's thoughts, they'd love to have you!
Show off your best stuff, because I'm so ready to be wrong here. Really.
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